The Vending Machine or the Gardener?

Rethinking how I approach work, relationships, and what really matters in business

A lot of us approach life and in many ways, business, with the question: What’s in it for me? It’s not always obvious or direct, but it sits there quietly under the surface.

Should I go out of my way to help someone, a colleague, an acquaintance, a client, if there may or may not be anything in it for me?

I’ve done this myself. In fact, I operated like this for a good part of my career, especially in the early years. When I was first trained in sales, I was told quite clearly and more than once that I wasn’t here to make friends. I was here to sell and acquire business. That’s how the job was framed and how success was measured.

So I took that on. I followed it, learned to believe it, and tried to do what was expected.

And to be fair, it wasn’t a question of right or wrong. That approach worked well for many of my colleagues. A lot of them did really well, and I could see why.

But for some reason, it never quite fit me.

I was doing all the things I was supposed to, but something just didn’t sit right. I wasn’t bad at it, but I wasn’t great either. If I’m being honest, I was probably average at best. There was always a small disconnect between the way I was told to do things and the way I naturally leaned.

Things started to shift in my second attempt at business eight years ago. This time, I was back on the telephone selling again, but in a completely different way. I was doing it as a business owner, as someone who was building something from scratch.

Eventually, I stopped looking at business as a transaction and started seeing it as a way to connect people and ideas. An opportunity to move things forward, together.

Over time, and without even realising it, I found myself letting go of the constant question of what’s in it for me. Instead, I began asking: how can I help?

Not in a dramatic or noble way, just in small, everyday choices. Trying to be generous with time when possible. Sharing event invites that are mutually beneficial. Sharing ideas without calculating what I might get back. And making introductions without keeping score.

That small shift has made a big difference now.

I no longer think of clients in the same way. Some of them are collaborators. Some are friends. A lot of them, and this is the part I never expected, have become well-wishers. People who are looking out for me just as I’m looking out for them.

This isn’t just something I’ve felt — I’ve also seen it in the people I work with. So, I decided to have a dialog with the people I work closely with to see if we had varying opinions.

I asked Mini Jacob , my business partner, what she thought about this mindset shift. Her answer really resonated:

“Honestly, I think it’s everything. Choosing to help — without keeping score, without thinking of what’s in it for us — has shaped not just the work we do, but the way people feel when they work with us. It’s why so many of our partnerships have turned into friendships. People can tell when they’re seen as more than just a business transaction. And I think that trust, and shared belief in something deeper than a transaction... it’s what makes this journey feel meaningful. It’s not just about building a business — it’s about building something that is from the heart.”

That idea of trust came up again when I spoke to George Kunnappally , Managing Director at Nando’s UAE. An avid supporter, an advisor, and a friend I met through the FFCC Journey, I asked him if a “how can I help” approach changes things when it comes to vendor relationships, and here’s what he shared, which was reassuring to say the least:

“At Nando’s, we’re in the people business as much as we’re in the food business, and that extends to our partners too. Over the years, I’ve seen two types of vendors: the transactional ones who focus on closing the sale at any cost, cold calls, discounts, features, even badmouthing competitors, and the relationship builders who genuinely ask, ‘How can I help?’ These are the partners who invest time to understand our business, our challenges, and our culture. They offer real solutions, not just products. They don’t need to push; their reputation opens doors.

The best supplier relationships we’ve built at Nando’s UAE have been with those who show up to solve, not sell. Their value isn’t just in what they deliver, but in how they show up, with integrity, curiosity, and a long-term mindset. That kind of attitude doesn’t just win business; it earns trust. And in our world, trust is everything.”

I know we’re all moving fast. Everyone is trying to get somewhere. There’s a lot to manage. But I’ve found, at least for myself, that letting go of what’s in it for me has made the work a lot more meaningful and insightful. Not necessarily easier, but more aligned with the kind of person I want to be, in business and outside of it.

This is just my take. I’d love to hear yours, what’s worked for you? Feel free to drop a comment or message. I’m always up for a conversation.